Before I started writing this blog, I was still struggling with staying on track with maintaining my weight and I’m still learning about what makes me get out of control with my eating behavior.
When I am doing great and in control of what I eat, I find myself wondering how I was ever in a bad place. What made me cross over to the other side? When I am out of control, I wonder about the same thing but in the reverse. How did I get back in control of my behavior? It’s as if there is a very thick concrete wall preventing me from breaking free of the behavior.
The behavior I’m talking about is an extreme amount of energy around food – the obsessive thoughts about my next meal. It’s not necessarily poor choices and sugary desserts, it’s the behavior of racing to the pantry as soon as I get home from the gym and eating another breakfast or putting granola on my yogurt and then finishing the entire bag of granola, etc.
Recently I went through the cycle and tried to understand my thoughts and feelings within each one. When I’m in control I am self-confident and feeling strong with everything I’m doing in my life. I am organized at home; I am productive at work and I’m managing my finances and so on. I am busy with all positive things I enjoy doing.
When I’m out of control with my behavior I am in “victim mode”. I am feeling that there isn’t anything in my life I have control of, and I am the victim of the circumstances around me. I need something to look forward to and food is in my control. As I have said in past blogs, I eat so fast that it really isn’t about what I eat or even the food. It’s that I can control something and can say yes to something. And yes, that instant gratification is addicting.
I have also discovered that I’m a happiness junkie. I love to have a little burst of happiness – something in my day to look forward to. I’m putting together a list of things that I can do to give me my happiness high – that don’t cost me money!! For example, I love to create and do advertisements. I can get lost for an hour just finding one specific graphic out of thousands of just one object for a design. I also love being motivated by the experts on business or success. There are thousands of great seminars on You Tube.
Today was a good day. I did well with getting over the concrete wall to better behavior. It started with exercising to a Podcast by Gary Vaynerchuk (obsessed), then I wrote “I am enough” with a lipstick on my bathroom mirror (it was on the Today Show). Who knows when I finish writing this, I might even do the superhero stance for five minutes just to seal the deal!
Thank you for reading. The Effort is in the Attitude.