Start at The End

I remember reading someplace that a particular author would start writing his novels by beginning to write the end of the story first. I found that quite interesting and great advice for deciding what I hope to achieve by losing weight.

What do you hope to achieve? Make a list of positive thoughts about doing well and what that looks like to you. How would you feel differently if you were at your desired weight? What would you do differently if you were at your desired weight?

My list of how I would feel differently and what I would do differently:
I would walk with confidence.
I would feel lighter as I walked and moved.
I would move faster.
I would feel a “weight off of my shoulders” of not having the burden of being different from others.
I would have more energy and be able to participate in activities.
I would tuck my shirt in my pants and wear pants with a belt instead of blousy shirts to cover/hide my stomach.
I wouldn’t sit with a throw pillow in my lap to hide my stomach roll.
I would look forward to a dinner invitation instead of dreading it and worrying that I will eat too much during the day and blow up a size by going out to dinner.
I would enjoy buying clothes instead of punishing myself by wearing the same old thing because it was too depressing to go shopping,
I would enjoy wearing a bathing suit instead of dreading summer and the beach.

I eventually got to experience those feelings and activities when I did lose weight and was down to a healthy weight. I went into the GAP to purchase jeans and the sales girl asked if I needed help. I said yes because I was overwhelmed with the selection. She asked if I was a 6 or 8. I laughed out loud (actually roared) because in my mind I was much, much higher! I could not believe that someone could size me over and come up with those numbers.

I actually did end up trying on the size 6 and picked up a jacket to try on as well. The sales clerk said, “honey that is way too big”. With joy I willingly took the smaller jacket to try on. To my delight it fit. However, the sales clerk still felt that it was still too big. I had to say, “let’s not get crazy” and kept the second selection. I’m sure I skipped out of the store. To this day when I see that jacket it makes me happy. P.S. I am also now a belt hoarder.

“Skinny and Fatty”

As I started to get older and now into elementary school, I was larger than the other children. Not clinically obese at that time but taller, larger frame and chubby. At the time I didn’t feel being different was a bad thing. However, that feeling changed. There was a movie that was shown on television back in the 1960’s. It was called “Skinny and Fatty”. I do not remember the details but it was about two Japanese boys one very thin and one quite large. I remember that the large boy was bumbling and could not do physical activities well. His name was Oyama. There was a skinny boy in the film who tried to help him. The skinny boy was Komatsu. Back then we really didn’t grasp the translation and thought the large boy was Komatsu.

In my neighborhood the children called me Komatsu as if to make the comparison of me to the large bumbling boy. They would yell “Komatsu, Komatsu” when they saw me. I remember trying to laugh along with everyone so that they didn’t see that I was hurt. Any time I was made fun of I would laugh along. In some way I thought if I showed pain it would make what they said true. If I laughed along it meant they were just making a joke and laughing “with me”.

However, I would go home and hide under the basement stairs to cry in private. I didn’t want to look like an overweight, bumbling, Japanese boy. Back then girls wanted to look like the “Breck” girl. The “all American”, perfectly coiffed hair, perfectly everything girl.

When you are told in your formative years that you are different and not a good different it stays with you. I spend a lot of money trying to achieve the “Breck” girl still today. I am Sephora’s largest customer… oops I mean “best” customer.


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