My mother took me to the doctor to see if my weight issues could be a thyroid problem. After the exam I was at the check-out counter and glanced down at my report. I saw the word “Endomorph” and had a moment of elation that my problem wasn’t my fault. I was relieved to see that I did have a medical condition. I asked the nurse what the word meant. She said it was “obesity”. My ears rung and my body felt as if it had been hit by a truck. I knew I struggled with my weight but did not consider myself obese. I felt ashamed.
My first attempt at a diet was these chewy squares of yummy chocolates called “Ayds”. They came in the rectangle box similar to that of which candy is packaged. I woke up the next morning with a blood-soaked pillow. Apparently, I had a bloody nose in the night without my knowledge. Looking back now I assume I ate several of the chewy chocolates instead of the recommended dose. Regardless, that was the last of the Ayds diet.
My second attempt was Dexatrim diet pills. These were not quite the appeal of the Ayds chocolates. This diet was very short lived because they just gave me the shakes. To calm my nerves, I self-medicated with more food.
Next my mother took me to my first Weight Watchers meeting. In the basement of a church with people much older than I was. In those days it was rare for children to be overweight. This was my first of five attempts throughout my life to try Weight Watchers. It never worked for me. Too much emphasis on what to eat. It has improved throughout the years but just looking at some of the paperwork I had saved it’s no wonder it didn’t work for me. Too complicated and life is too short to focus on food intake. I kept going back because they advertise heavily and convince me it should work and I’m not a quitter.
I tried NutriSystem in the past when they had meetings and you met with a nurse. The nurse was disgusted with me when I failed to lose weight. Not a good strategy for someone with already low self-esteem. At that time, you would select your food and they gave you your grocery bag filled. Unfortunately, UPS went on strike, so the food selections suffered.
This is the last diet I will describe and the lowest point for me. I saw an advertisement in a popular women’s fashion magazine for a “mystery” diet food supplement. Of course, having the word “mystery” I was intrigued and thought it was some new cutting-edge product that would launch the world into a new healthy population. I could not wait to get my miracle product in the mail. And then it arrived. This utopia for us desperate fatties. I opened the package and much to my disgust was a jar of banana baby food. I felt like a fool. I was ashamed that this baby food company was preying upon desperate people like myself to sell their product to a new demographic – the perfect “suckers”. I pictured the market research group all laughing at me for “buying” into the ideas of this being the solution to my pain. Naturally, being the food addict that I am, I ate it. Even as I ate it, I felt ashamed. It was such a low feeling. Feeling that I was being taken advantage of and then not even having enough respect for myself to throw it away. I can still picture myself slowly eating this goop and my whole posture broken with shame.
The rest of the diets:Setpoint
Hot Dog Diet (all I remember was you had to 6 in one day)
Sweatin to the Oldies
Thin Within Prayer group. I didn’t buy the premise that God cared that I was a glutton.
I had to take a break from sharing the painful memories of my past. It’s interesting because I almost feel more comfortable sharing the hurt than the success. It’s as if I celebrate the success it will go away – “it’s too good to be true”. However, today I am owning it and celebrating. I am proud of what I’ve accomplished and that I never gave up. Ladies and gentlemen, I present the selfie of which I am proud. This is me! This is Diana Chrisanthopoulos McLean who is okay with how she looks and feels.
P.S. I sobbed typing that. That’s a lot of years of pain coming out. Thank you for reading.