When I was laying out the format for the book version of “It’s Not About the Food” I was very clear and purposeful on what I would include and especially what I would NOT include.
What you won’t see is a fat photo of me. It was a painful and shameful time for me. I share my personal stories and how I felt and that is enough exposure of myself to be comfortable. I don’t think showing anyone’s painful image is helpful. I want to keep a little of myself and my dignity intact.
I cannot stand the show “The Biggest Loser”. It made me cringe to watch it. To parade these people with struggles on a public stage showing them at their worst I found humiliating and painful. Never mind displaying a giant screen with one’s weight posted!
You won’t see me promote grueling exercise routines. If you dread it, you won’t do it. As I mentioned in the previous blog, take is slow and build. You do not have to do it perfectly, safely yes, perfectly not so much. I am aghast at again watching “The Biggest Loser” and these people being tested and yelled at (motivated?), in order to burn fat. Certainly, I have days that I feel sluggish and I’m not motivated but I tell myself “I don’t HAVE to work out – I GET to work out”. I am healthy, I am alive, I can do this!
You won’t see me show food or recipes. Anytime I have seen a photo of food, doesn’t matter how nutritious or low in calories, I want to eat. Period. Food = Craving. This is part of my addiction.
If I ever publish the book version of this blog, the cover will be beautiful. I want people to find their happiness and I want it to start with holding a book that is beautiful and filled with pages of hope.
What I hope to share is that you CAN succeed. I am living proof! I share my stories so that you will understand where I came from with my weight. The ups and downs and what were successful. It’s still a struggle today but I NEVER give up. NEVER GIVE UP!
The Big Fat Elephant
As with most school yards, the day is started with students lined up outside in front of their classroom doors. When I was in sixth grade that how ours started as well. I was walking with my younger sister to our doors. Hers came first (4th grade), before mine. As we were in front of hers, a boy in my class started yelling from the distance, “here comes the big fat elephant”, complete with the gesture of dangling his arm in front of himself to mimic an elephant trunk. He was first in the long line so that the rest of the class could hear.
I could feel the presence of my little sister to my left and the presence felt like throbbing. I didn’t look at her to see her expression. I just continued walking toward my class and left her with hers. The throbbing feeling was embarrassment for my sister. I was used to ridicule but it was contained to my own little world. I never shared anything at home. It was if I lived a double life. In front of my family life was fine and I wasn’t casting shame on them. It was a surreal feeling to have my worlds collide.
Tab Brown, the “mimicker” was all smiles and laughing. I thought perhaps he was just trying to joke with me because we sat next to other and were friendly. He had to be joking, right? We are friends, right? That’s all I remember from that event, feeling ashamed for my sister. I asked her recently and she doesn’t remember it at all. I doubt Tab Brown would remember either.
I have come to realize that many times in a bully situation it isn’t about the “victim”. The “victim” did nothing wrong. The bully just wanted, or needed, to laugh that day. They wanted attention, they needed to let off steam from whatever it was they were going through. I was there. I was an easy target. If I saw Tab Brown today, I wouldn’t tell him. It makes no difference. He won’t remember because it didn’t impact his life. He got his release and attention and moved on. I moved on but I still remember. I still feel that throbbing to my side. But today I am here writing about my success through the pain of the past. And that’s pretty powerful!